Raymond's COVID Journey - 10/30/20

Today we are back to Groundhog Day. Every day is basically the same. Not complaining, just explaining. Grateful for the sameness of our day if it means Raymond is continuing his recovery.

What is different today is that I decided to rest when he rests. I’ve been trying to do many other things. I have organized, cleaned and taken stock of our inventory. I was doing laundry, mopping, sweeping, dusting. I decided I could put up with a little dust for the time being and allow us both to rest and strengthen.

Our plan is to stay home for the foreseeable future. We are choosing to stay home, not out of fear, for we have already faced that, or because our Governor has asked us to, but because we care about your safety and ours. We care about the people being affected by this pandemic and if the leadership of this country does not set the example then we as citizens must police ourselves. We must look into our hearts as to what is truly important. I don’t want any other family to go through what we have been through for the last 19 days. Raymond wasn’t even severe by Covid standards and yet he almost died. I know, I know, I know wearing a mask, social distancing may feel like an infringement on your civil rights to some of you. I’ve heard your arguments. Don’t wait til you not only have to wear a mask and social distance in public but have to do it in your own home because the Covid is in the house! I can guarantee that is a lot more difficult than the half hour it takes to buy groceries, the five it takes to purchase coffee. Every little sniffle, every little cough, I think this is it. And if you or someone in your home gets it, the world as you know it ceases to exist. Don’t put yourself or those you love at risk. Be safe.

There is nothing worse than waiting for those test results to come back knowing you may have exposed someone you love to Covid. I know that after Raymond’s diagnosis, I exposed Cory to me in order to take him to get a test. Gratefully we were both negative. I’m glad I don’t have to live with the guilt of passing it to someone especially Cory. None of the people in the very small bubble in which we were moving has tested positive. We have no idea where Raymond came into contact with the virus.

The other different, wonderful incident today was that Gaia, the turtle Stephanie Valencia rescued from a very determined roadrunner that was trying to eat her, came out of wherever she has been hiding since September 1. That is the last time Raymond saw her. They have quite the relationship. He feeds her grubs and worms and has special food for her. He told me it made his day to see Gaia. Should I be jealous? There is a video of Raymond and Gaia this afternoon in the series of today’s pictures. Enjoy. It was the highlight of our day!

It’s been a good day. We’ve both napped, found joy in the simplicity of a turtle going for a walk in our backyard. We are filled with gratitude, grace and mercy. All is well.

Raymond's COVID Journey - 10/29/20

                             

                                        

I’d like to start my update by offering a deep, deep gratitude to the Divine, to all of you, my family, my friends, my soul gang. We are past the crisis and into what our new normal might look like. I am in what our family calls after tension. It’s a feeling that is hard to describe but one our family coined after we noticed we felt some sort of way after we’d been through a tough hospitalization for Cory or some other traumatic event. It is hard to let go of that sense of being on alert, waiting for that next shoe to fall. It takes a moment to drop the hyper vigilance and to trust that all is once again well in our world. Not perfect but well. The surges of adrenaline that have sustained me for 18 days have stopped. I feel the exhaustion. I feel the relief.

Raymond is doing great. I woke up to him sitting on love seat with his headphones on, eye mask over his eyes listening to soothing music. Even though he was up throughout the night for bathroom visits (he’s trying to stay hydrated) he did not need supplemental oxygen. He has been awake most of the day with one nap late this morning for about an hour and a half. He is able to focus on movies again, sorted mail. No signs of continuing brain fog.

He is in a very quiet space most of the time. This experience has changed him. I’m not sure how yet but I see it and sense it. His gratitude is enormous. I hear it in his voice and he expresses his gratitude and his love more easily to those he loves.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring but for today, we are at peace. We are tired. We know this journey is not quite over, however we have made it through the Fire. He, we are recovering.

My gratitude tonight goes not only to all of you, but to the medical personnel that came into contact with Raymond. From the EMT’s, the nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, lab technicians, to the staff of the hospital. Their willingness to do their jobs in these times of uncertainty is heroic. They are calm, patient and kind which I know has to be hard because of their work schedules and what they must bear witness to has to be disheartening. This virus is not the flu. It looks nothing like the flu. It’s consequences, if you survive, are still not fully known. I appreciate the honesty of the doctors and nurses. They were willing to say that there was just so much that they don’t know and that what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. I am grateful to the Covid survivors and those who transitioned. They are instrumental in helping us learn more about this virus.

You know the drill. Wear your mask. Stay home. We are surging all over the country. Oh, by the way, Raymond has an appointment with the infectious disease doctor that tended to him in the hospital on (as Ray puts it) “the eleventh day of the eleventh month at the eleventh hour”. That day is also the 4 year Angelversary of his father’s transition. How’s that for a synchronicity. If any of my woowoo friends get any hits on that...let me know. Did I say I’m tired? I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Good night!

Sweet dreams.

Raymond’s day in pictures...

Raymon's COVID Update - 10/28/20

 

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Phew! Our first day under our belt after hospitalization. The last two days have been full. Full of joy, full of anxiety, full of hope and lots of work. Yesterday morning we were informed quite early that Raymond was no longer on supplemental oxygen and that he could go home as early as that afternoon. We were originally told he would be in for 10 days to complete the course of medication. Well, as you know, NM is being slammed with Covid cases and our hospitals are at capacity. In truth, he made such a turnaround between Sunday night and Monday that it made sense to send him home to continue treatment. That also freed up a hospital bed for someone more critical. I could also understand that. Nonetheless it created a great deal of anxiety in Raymond, first to be on room air and secondly to be going home. He felt safe there especially after his experience with oxygen deprivation from Wednesday to Friday last week here at home.

I questioned the doctor releasing him regarding safety, contagion etc. He was telling me something different than the infectious diseases doctor was telling me. I was confused. They had a confab and we came up with a plan for release we were all comfortable with. Still, it caused anxiety and stress.

I rushed around getting “the isolation room” ready for Raymond while at the same time spending lots of time with him via FaceTime as we both processed the oxygen shift because, as true with every adjustment in oxygen, there was always that period where his oxygen levels dropped below 90. By the end of the day, that adjustment had usually taken place.

No one tells you about how scary it is when they come home. Or that it will take him 30 minutes to change his clothes. And that it will take us 3 hours to get him settled because he can only do so much and then must stop to rest. No one tells you that when you are this sick you have to take care of yourself because no one can come within six feet of you. No one tells you how scary it feels to be responsible for his care. Can I handle this? Can I be patient enough? What if I miss something? But the idea that he is well enough to be home prevails and we fall into joy.

And then comes nighttime, when it seems they always feel worse than during the day. I hear him over the nanny cam, “Hey Raven, I can’t keep my oxygen over 90.” So we start the dance. Should he go back on oxygen? Shouldn’t he? We finally decide to try 1 liter so we can both sleep. It works.Thank God! We sleep.

Come morning the dance starts again. Can he move around the room and do the tasks he needs to do without dropping below 90 while on room air. As the day progresses he’s able to do a little more each time before his levels drop off. We organize his medications, he physically, me over the nanny cam, reading doctors orders. He straightens and organizes the room in order to access what he needs easily. He rests. He naps. He gets more energy and decides to shower and shave. And he does all this and keeps his oxygen above 90. I give thanks for Divine grace and mercy. I give thanks for Raymond’s incredible work ethic and motivation, doing his breathing exercises and drinking fluids to stay hydrated.

We gather with our family to pray the rosary in gratitude for Raymond’s turnaround. Every day on this Covid journey is different. It is a roller coaster ride with highs and lows, ups and downs, jerked right and left, back and forth. It is a continual exercise in being present to each moment. But mostly, it is a journey of love. My love for my husband, his love for me, Cory’s love for his father, Cory’s love for me, our love for him. It is YOUR love fir us and ours for you. It is all of your prayers and love and acts of kindness that has held the space for this miracle of a healing that is taking place. I thank you for your faith in the Divine and for sharing that with us.

It’s been a long day. I am weary. I love you. I thank you. I go to bed tonight with hope in my heart. I pray blessings over each and everyone of you and your loved ones. Be safe. Masks. Sanitize. Distance. Yes it’s a pain in the butt. It’s a lot more painful to watch your loved one gasping for air.