Find A Way

Yesterday morning I was participating in a Sacred Cacao Ceremony facilitated by the fabulous Candace Blair of soulfiresocial.com. If you are not familiar with Candace check her out. She is a Kundalini yoga teacher, sounder healer, incredible alchemist. The Sacred Cacao Goddess came to me and shared the following message. It was such a poignant message for me for, as you all know, I live with several disease processes that are currently playing out in my energetic field. Often there is self-blame and shame that comes with illness in the physical body. I work REALLY hard at self care and healing and yet I still find myself beating myself up for being where I am. I recently was awaiting the results of four biopsies. That process threw me into such a state of fear. I had to face every fear I thought I had already faced around dying, living with even more disease and losing even more of my quality of life. Thankfully all of the biopsies were negative. This message from our Mother after this very intense period in my life was much like a rainstorm in a barren desert. For me, it takes away the shame and the blame and the self-recrimination. It empowers me to take responsibility for my life in a way that is life affirming and kind. If I’ve learned anything through my journey with Sclereoderma, PAH, it is to be kind to my self. May Her message find it’s way into your heart and free you to forgive yourself, to truly love yourself and your process and to KNOW that whatever is happening in your body is LIFE (Love In Full Expression). That we, just as all of nature does, moves towards the light. We may have to have our times in the darkness of Her Womb but there will always be a birth.

FIND A WAY

Find a way to LIFE (Love In Full Expression).

Fertile Soil, ever evolving - concrete - finding a way to express LIFE (Love In Full Expression).

Nothing dies. It just evolves and changes. Even from destruction new LIFE grows.

The Earth, Our Mother, is hardwired to be Love In Full Expression (LIFE) no matter what is thrown at her. She will choose LIFE (Love In Full Expression). Bombs, climate change, oil spills - the message of the Mother, the Maker of All Things, is Find A Way. She speaks…

“I will find a way. I will bide my time and use this to evolve, to transform to change, to become that which perhaps has never existed before.”

As I have wrestled with my physical body, I am the flower busting through that crack in the sidewalk. My soil perhaps not the most fertile, perhaps not enough water or nutrients, but Here I Am. I pushed through in that continual cycle of birth that is LIFE (Love In Full Expression).

My tulips every year show me this cycle. They bloom and give me hope and then they are gone. Transformed to wait for a whole year for the opportunity to shine again and give someone hope. She speaks…

“Nothing is ever destroyed just transformed. I am the Soil, I am the crack in the sidewalk. I am the alchemist that transmutes the “poisons” and creates LIFE anew over and over and over again for ever and ever.

There is no beginning and no end. Just a continual cycle of LIFE (Love In Full Expression). There is only Find A Way. Trust the Dark. Trust the Light for it is ALL LIFE. All of it. Even that which you would term destruction.

Illness in your body is your opportunity to be One with Me in alchemizing and transforming and Finding A Way to LIFE…Love In Full Expression.

Wholeness means all of it. Experiencing All of it and being awed by the transformation instead of fearful of what is a natural cycle of LIFE…birth - a continual birth from one state to the next. There is no death, just transformation. Find A Way. Push through the darkness much as a seed pushes through the darkness of my soil. Find a Way to the Light of LIFE (Love In Full Expression)”.

Art: I call this Birth. It is a little doodle I did one day in my art journal a few weeks ago when I was praying on the Creative Rosary. I drew her in the middle of this dark cycle. The Divine Mother giving me hope and encouragement.

Cory

 The light of my life/our life turns 40 today. This man was not supposed to live through his first night. His APGAR score was 2/4. Babies with an APGAR score of 2/4 rarely survive. And yet here he is 40 years later. He is my miracle baby. The one that made it through. He is also my rainbow baby, born 3 years after I miscarried at 5 months. Born in the land of rainbows in Honolulu, Hawaii, he broke my heart wide open with his birth and he has continued to take my breath away with his presence. He is our Rainbow Warrior.

He has faced more challenges in his 40 years than most of us face in a lifetime. And he has done it with grace, humor and passion. From his very first breath life has been a challenge for him and yet he has never played the role of victim. I have never heard him say why me? At ten years of age with a smile and a wave, he wheeled himself into the operating room and hopped up on the operating table. That’s who he is at his core. Fearless. That is not to say he is without fear. Yet time after time especially as a child he faced those fears over and over again with dignity beyond his years. He is wise. He is kind. He can be stubborn. I am proud of the man he has become. He has not let Life wear him down.

Raymond and I are planners. We never planned that Cory would still be with us 40 years later. Every surgery, every infection, every fever we were sure he was headed Home. He knew long before we did that not only was he surviving, he was thriving! Cory has been the impetus for growth in our family. It is his arrival that put me squarely on the spiritual path that most likely saved my life and for sure gave my life meaning and purpose. He continues to challenge me in the best way to be all I came here to be. He continues to rise to the occasion and in doing so teaches me to do the same.

Happy Birthday, Buddha.

Thank you for this day

May I greet it with the

Eyes, ears, mouth and heart of a child

May I experience the wonder

Of Being

In this magnificent

Physical body

May I experience the world

May I experience the people

And circumstances of the world

Through the eyes of my innocence

I dig deep to find

That place

That place of safety and trust

I dig deep to remember

The innocence

That was once mine

Or perhaps it just floats

To the surface

As I allow myself

To wonder and wander

I AM Holy

I AM Blessed

I AM made in the image

Of the Divine

That means that

I AM perfect

Just as I AM

And that means

That YOU are made in the image

Of the Divine

And YOU are perfect

Just as you are

Right here

Right now

In this moment

Of Holy Bliss

In this moment

Of remembrance

Stay here for a moment

Before you immerse yourself

In the activities of daily living

Stay here and savor

The beauty of this moment

This breath

This smell

This experience

Throughout the day

Go back to this moment

Of holiness before the

Sun is up

While the world sleeps

Revel in the quiet

Bathe in the peace

Of this Holy moment of now

Use this moment of now

To inform

How you move

Through your day

Use this moment of now

To inform how you touch

To inform how you speak

To those you encounter

On your journey on

This blessed day

In this moment

Of blissful recognition

Of the

One True Source

Namaste

The Divine in me

Sees and honors

The Divine in you

May we meet

In this moment

Of remembrance

Today and everyday

And so it is.

I AM

I AM loved

I AM

 

I AM bathed in Love. I AM

I am based in Love. I AM

 

I AM That Which Is.

I AM

I AM She/He/They

That comes to you in the Silence.

I AM

I AM She/He/They

That comes to you amidst the chaos/noise

I AM

 

I AM She/He/They

Inside you

I AM

 

I AM She/He/They

All around you

I AM

 

I AM in every nook and cranny

I AM

I AM everything and no(thing)

I AM

 

As a child

You were told

God is everywhere

Your Catholic catechism asked

Where is God?

God is everywhere

God is in ALL things

I AM

 

I AM God

I AM The Goddess

I AM The Light

I AM The Dark

I AM The Grey

I AM The In-between

I AM

I AM form

I AM formless

I AM

 

There is no place

In which I AM not

I AM here

I AM there

I AM

I AM here and there

All at once

I AM

 

I AM

I AM

I AM

I AM

 

Raven Maestas-Valencia 💛🦋

8/29/2021

 

About the art: I had not created any art in a very long time. I went to California to visit my dear friend and Soulsister, Rosemary Valdez Fletcher. She was determined that she was going to get me creating again. She used simple childlike tools to entice me such as Crayola‘s magic clay and poster paints. And this Angel Goddess as born. She now resides with another dear friend and Soulsister, Valerie Kwietniak.

 

 

I AM HERE

Rock Goddess

           I AM HERE 

Good morning Team.

Divine Mother

Divine Father

Divine Brother

Divine Sister

all of you be with me today as I go forth in my day.

May I be a beacon of love and light and compassion.

May I walk gently on the earth.

Thank you for being present for me always.

Thank you for loving me, guiding me, helping me, being aware of me, acknowledging me, nourishing me, supporting me, listening to me.

 

I am here.

It is a new day.

An opportunity to start fresh.

I am here ready, willing and able to be.

To be what is needed

What is required in each moment.

 

I am here to be of service

to the Divine call

that is as a clarion

to my soul, to my human.

 

I am here, Dear Goddess, Mother of all Creation,

I am here to be a vessel

for thy bidding.

 

I am here. I am here

I am here filled with

gratitude, love, and

even remorse for not

always being aware

of the need to be here.

 

I am here

on this planet, Earth

I am here. Be here now.

 

I am here

responding to the call

of the Mother.

I am here tending to her children.

I am here. I am here. I am here.

 

I am love incarnate.

I am the eyes, ears, mouth, voice, heart

of Creation, The Creator,

The Mother, the Father,

The Universal Cosmos of Creation.

I am that which is.

 

I choose to look at this moment

and be grateful for that.

I am here in my healing room.

The silence is deafening.

The aloneness sublime.

The opportunity to be alone

in my own being

with my Creator,

a gift not to be taken for granted.

 

I am here. I am here.

And in this moment

I rejoice in this moment of here.

 

For this moment

I can lay aside the pain, the fear,

the anxiety of living with an incurable disease.

 

For this moment

I can bear witness

to the suffering of those around me.

 

For this moment

I can rejoice in the silence.

I can rejoice in the fact

that my body is mostly pain-free.

 

In this moment

I am doing more than just enduring.

In this moment

I am rejoicing in living.

 

I am rejoicing that

I AM THE BODY.

I AM THE BODY

MY SOUL USES TO EXPRESS ITSELF.

I AM THE BODY

THAT EXPRESSES LOVE

WITH A HUG,

WITH TOUCH,

WITH A KIND WORD.

 

I AM THE BODY

THAT EXPRESSES LOVE

BY LISTENING

TO THE PAIN OF OTHERS.

 

I AM THE BODY

MY SOUL USES

TO ACT IN KIND

AND BENEVOLENT WAYS.

 

I AM THE BODY

MY SOUL USES

TO POINT OUT

ABUSE, INJUSTICE.

 

I AM THE BODY

AND TODAY

I AM GRATEFUL

for that and for this body

that carries my pain,

Carries the pain of those I love,

carries the pain of the masses

But also carries

the love that heals that pain.

 

I am the heartbreak

I am the love that soothes

I am the abuser

I am the abused

I am the antidote to both

I am the love that heals

I am the love that nourishes

I am the love that supports

I am the love that is aware

I am the love that is all encompassing

I am the love.

I am here

About the Art:  I created this Rock Goddess when we were redoing our son, Cory's, backyard.  We created a rock garden that included a medicine wheel and yin yang symbol as well as other spiritual symbols. It was hard work but a fun family project. Her head is made from a gourd and unfortunately the New Mexico sun has not been kind to her. She is however, still standing eight years later. Kind of like me, a little bruised and battered but still here.

Our COVID Journey Day 21 - 11/1/20

I did not update yesterday. I let my live drumming suffice.

Today is day 21. Three weeks since Raymond first exhibited symptoms. It seems like just yesterday. It seems like forever. We are continuing to social distance which is wearing on both of us. We both NEED a hug!!! Soon...

Raymond is doing great! He continues to improve. Yesterday he walked around the backyard to see how his oxygen and heart rate needs held up. Heart rate is a little above normal, especially for him, and his oxygen was above 90. Great news. He will see his PCP on Wednesday and hopefully learn more about how he’s doing internally.

Later in the day we took another small walk around our front yard and down the street a short ways. He is starting to get bored of being isolated in the healing room. Boredom is good. It means he’s feeling well enough to want more. He can focus to read and watch movies.

We are so grateful for the miracle that is love, prayer and God’s grace and mercy. And, of course, modern medicine. Thank you for continuing to keep us in your prayers. We offer you our gratitude and our love.

Raymond's COVID Journey - 10/30/20

Today we are back to Groundhog Day. Every day is basically the same. Not complaining, just explaining. Grateful for the sameness of our day if it means Raymond is continuing his recovery.

What is different today is that I decided to rest when he rests. I’ve been trying to do many other things. I have organized, cleaned and taken stock of our inventory. I was doing laundry, mopping, sweeping, dusting. I decided I could put up with a little dust for the time being and allow us both to rest and strengthen.

Our plan is to stay home for the foreseeable future. We are choosing to stay home, not out of fear, for we have already faced that, or because our Governor has asked us to, but because we care about your safety and ours. We care about the people being affected by this pandemic and if the leadership of this country does not set the example then we as citizens must police ourselves. We must look into our hearts as to what is truly important. I don’t want any other family to go through what we have been through for the last 19 days. Raymond wasn’t even severe by Covid standards and yet he almost died. I know, I know, I know wearing a mask, social distancing may feel like an infringement on your civil rights to some of you. I’ve heard your arguments. Don’t wait til you not only have to wear a mask and social distance in public but have to do it in your own home because the Covid is in the house! I can guarantee that is a lot more difficult than the half hour it takes to buy groceries, the five it takes to purchase coffee. Every little sniffle, every little cough, I think this is it. And if you or someone in your home gets it, the world as you know it ceases to exist. Don’t put yourself or those you love at risk. Be safe.

There is nothing worse than waiting for those test results to come back knowing you may have exposed someone you love to Covid. I know that after Raymond’s diagnosis, I exposed Cory to me in order to take him to get a test. Gratefully we were both negative. I’m glad I don’t have to live with the guilt of passing it to someone especially Cory. None of the people in the very small bubble in which we were moving has tested positive. We have no idea where Raymond came into contact with the virus.

The other different, wonderful incident today was that Gaia, the turtle Stephanie Valencia rescued from a very determined roadrunner that was trying to eat her, came out of wherever she has been hiding since September 1. That is the last time Raymond saw her. They have quite the relationship. He feeds her grubs and worms and has special food for her. He told me it made his day to see Gaia. Should I be jealous? There is a video of Raymond and Gaia this afternoon in the series of today’s pictures. Enjoy. It was the highlight of our day!

It’s been a good day. We’ve both napped, found joy in the simplicity of a turtle going for a walk in our backyard. We are filled with gratitude, grace and mercy. All is well.

Raymond's COVID Journey - 10/29/20

                             

                                        

I’d like to start my update by offering a deep, deep gratitude to the Divine, to all of you, my family, my friends, my soul gang. We are past the crisis and into what our new normal might look like. I am in what our family calls after tension. It’s a feeling that is hard to describe but one our family coined after we noticed we felt some sort of way after we’d been through a tough hospitalization for Cory or some other traumatic event. It is hard to let go of that sense of being on alert, waiting for that next shoe to fall. It takes a moment to drop the hyper vigilance and to trust that all is once again well in our world. Not perfect but well. The surges of adrenaline that have sustained me for 18 days have stopped. I feel the exhaustion. I feel the relief.

Raymond is doing great. I woke up to him sitting on love seat with his headphones on, eye mask over his eyes listening to soothing music. Even though he was up throughout the night for bathroom visits (he’s trying to stay hydrated) he did not need supplemental oxygen. He has been awake most of the day with one nap late this morning for about an hour and a half. He is able to focus on movies again, sorted mail. No signs of continuing brain fog.

He is in a very quiet space most of the time. This experience has changed him. I’m not sure how yet but I see it and sense it. His gratitude is enormous. I hear it in his voice and he expresses his gratitude and his love more easily to those he loves.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring but for today, we are at peace. We are tired. We know this journey is not quite over, however we have made it through the Fire. He, we are recovering.

My gratitude tonight goes not only to all of you, but to the medical personnel that came into contact with Raymond. From the EMT’s, the nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, lab technicians, to the staff of the hospital. Their willingness to do their jobs in these times of uncertainty is heroic. They are calm, patient and kind which I know has to be hard because of their work schedules and what they must bear witness to has to be disheartening. This virus is not the flu. It looks nothing like the flu. It’s consequences, if you survive, are still not fully known. I appreciate the honesty of the doctors and nurses. They were willing to say that there was just so much that they don’t know and that what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. I am grateful to the Covid survivors and those who transitioned. They are instrumental in helping us learn more about this virus.

You know the drill. Wear your mask. Stay home. We are surging all over the country. Oh, by the way, Raymond has an appointment with the infectious disease doctor that tended to him in the hospital on (as Ray puts it) “the eleventh day of the eleventh month at the eleventh hour”. That day is also the 4 year Angelversary of his father’s transition. How’s that for a synchronicity. If any of my woowoo friends get any hits on that...let me know. Did I say I’m tired? I’m tired. I’m going to bed. Good night!

Sweet dreams.

Raymond’s day in pictures...