She Who Speaks Wisdom-Sunflower Goddess
History will not look kindly on you. I often hear people saying this to our nation‘s leaders, leaders of corporations and those in positions of authority. I cringe every time I hear it. It triggered me on some level. So I decided to dig deeper. Who cares how history will view us? I wonder why we care more about how “history“ will look upon us than how we look at ourselves in this moment. I am here in this moment now. The question I ask is, how does one look at the disparity all around them and look in the mirror and be OK with that.
If you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem. Another question I ask is; am I doing enough? If someone were to ask me, will history look kindly on you, I would hope that I have lived a life where I could answer that in the affirmative. But truly, I don’t care so much about a legacy as I do about who I am being in each and every moment of this existence.
Most of my life has been about survival. Surviving my childhood, surviving the traumas of every day life, and when I wasn’t surviving I was thriving. When I was thriving, I was ministering. One to one, sometimes to small groups; but always asking how can I serve?
I wanted to become a minister of some sort, but having been raised Catholic I could not always wrap my brain around a woman as a minister (that s**t runs deep), nor could I find a doctrine or religion that could encompass my relationship with the Divine. It seemed my Native bloodline and my Iberian Peninsula bloodline were forever at war in me.
I am influenced by my roots – my Latina, Native, and Catholic roots. I have had to meld them into a Spirituality that feeds my Soul. It entailed connecting to that still small voice inside. It entailed fanning the spark of the Divine into a full fledged flame of passion. I could best connect to Source one on one. That still small voice awakens me at night. That still small voice encourages me to write, to paint, to create. That still small voice listens as I pour out my heartache. It listens when I pour forth my joy and gratitude. And if I get really, really quiet, I hear it’s wisdom, I feel it’s peace. I feel nourished by the effort to achieve a silent state.
In my daily journal practice, I speak to this voice inside and wait for wisdom which is almost always forthcoming. And sometimes there’s just silence. I sit with that for THIS is where the real gifts reside.
Many years ago, when I was yet again bemoaning the fact that I could not find the correct place for the study of my divinity and becoming a minister, a friend of mine, Dianne, said to me, “Raven, you don’t need permission to minister. All you need is God’s permission and that you have! Go forth and minister”. From that moment forward I no longer looked for permission to minister. Miriam-Webster defines the word minister as giving aid and service. My friend Dianne was right! I can do that! Dianne is in Spirit now. Gone much too soon. I will be forever grateful for her willingness to share her truth with me. It changed my life. I stopped worrying about what others would think. I stopped asking for permission not just to minister but to BE whoever and whatever I chose in any given moment.
I wake up every morning and my prayer is how may I serve? Sometimes it’s one on one. Sometimes it’s a group. Sometimes it's an act I perform for someone. Sometimes it’s the words I write or the phone call I make. Sometimes it’s sitting in the stillness. Sometimes it’s praying with my drum or through my movement.
This COVID-19 quarantine has taken me even deeper into looking at where I still may be holding on to belief systems that no longer serve. I find the pockets of disharmony and I notice. I breathe and I notice some more. I allow myself to sit in the discomfort, my history tells me that when I do, disharmony becomes Grace, Mercy, Peace, Gratitude. This solitary time has allowed me to become creative in my ministering. I’ve learned to use technology and platforms I never before had a desire to use.
In the silence, I hear these words:
"Be not afraid to sit in the silence even if you have designated the time for talking. It is in these moments that you can assist in anchoring in more love, more peace, more light, more gratitude. Try to not hang on to structure and schedules. Be present to and in the moment. The schedule and structure will adapt and adjust as will you. For you are resilient."
Let me tell you about the art. I've named her Sunflower Goddess -She Who Speaks Wisdom
Continually striving to strike a balance between action and stillness. I created this piece in the 90’s. At the time it was representative of my connection to Source, to my higher self, and to the still small voice I was still doubting. Over the years it has become my friend, my solace. I trust it implicitly.
Even though it has become a cliche (most most truths do) I know myself to be a spiritual being having a human experience. I believe my Spirit is here, not to subjugate my human, but to co-create and work in conjunction with each other so that as a human, I exemplify the qualities of Grace, Mercy, Gratitude, Honesty, Humility, Integrity and Love.
So when someone says how will history look at you? I say, I don’t care. I want to know how you and I will serve today. When I hear, history will not look kindly on you, yes I cringe. I only have this moment to be this Spirit in this human body and I don’t want to waste it anymore concerning myself with legacy, mine or anyone else’s. I wish to be present to myself and every human being I encounter. I choose to be generous with my mind, with my heart, with my spirit. I may not always agree with someone else, however, I choose to see that they, too, are a child of The Divine. I may have to love them at a distance but I don’t have to judge them or see them as less than me because I don’t agree with them. Go forth and minister, indeed! That means starting with me.