GO FORTH AND MINISTER

She Who Speaks Wisdom-Sunflower Goddess

History will not look kindly on you. I often hear people saying this to our nation‘s leaders, leaders of corporations and those in positions of authority. I cringe every time I hear it. It triggered me on some level. So I decided to dig deeper. Who cares how history will view us? I wonder why we care more about how “history“ will look upon us than how we look at ourselves in this moment. I am here in this moment now. The question I ask is, how does one look at the disparity all around them and look in the mirror and be OK with that.

If you are not part of the solution you are part of the problem. Another question I ask is; am I doing enough? If someone were to ask me, will history look kindly on you, I would hope that I have lived a life where I could answer that in the affirmative. But truly, I don’t care so much about a legacy as I do about who I am being in each and every moment of this existence.

Most of my life has been about survival. Surviving my childhood, surviving the traumas of every day life, and when I wasn’t surviving I was thriving. When I was thriving, I was ministering. One to one, sometimes to small groups; but always asking how can I serve?

I wanted to become a minister of some sort, but having been raised Catholic I could not always wrap my brain around a woman as a minister (that s**t runs deep), nor could I find a doctrine or religion that could encompass my relationship with the Divine. It seemed my Native bloodline and my Iberian Peninsula bloodline were forever at war in me.

I am influenced by my roots – my Latina, Native, and Catholic roots. I have had to meld them into a Spirituality that feeds my Soul. It entailed connecting to that still small voice inside. It entailed fanning the spark of the Divine into a full fledged flame of passion. I could best connect to Source one on one. That still small voice awakens me at night. That still small voice encourages me to write, to paint, to create. That still small voice listens as I pour out my heartache. It listens when I pour forth my joy and gratitude. And if I get really, really quiet, I hear it’s wisdom, I feel it’s peace. I feel nourished by the effort to achieve a silent state.

In my daily journal practice, I speak to this voice inside and wait for wisdom which is almost always forthcoming. And sometimes there’s just silence. I sit with that for THIS is where the real gifts reside.

Many years ago, when I was yet again bemoaning the fact that I could not find the correct place for the study of my divinity and becoming a minister, a friend of mine, Dianne, said to me, “Raven, you don’t need permission to minister. All you need is God’s permission and that you have! Go forth and minister”. From that moment forward I no longer looked for permission to minister. Miriam-Webster defines the word minister as giving aid and service. My friend Dianne was right! I can do that! Dianne is in Spirit now. Gone much too soon. I will be forever grateful for her willingness to share her truth with me. It changed my life. I stopped worrying about what others would think. I stopped asking for permission not just to minister but to BE whoever and whatever I chose in any given moment.

I wake up every morning and my prayer is how may I serve? Sometimes it’s one on one. Sometimes it’s a group. Sometimes it's an act I perform for someone. Sometimes it’s the words I write or the phone call I make. Sometimes it’s sitting in the stillness. Sometimes it’s praying with my drum or through my movement.

This COVID-19 quarantine has taken me even deeper into looking at where I still may be holding on to belief systems that no longer serve. I find the pockets of disharmony and I notice. I breathe and I notice some more. I allow myself to sit in the discomfort, my history tells me that when I do, disharmony becomes Grace, Mercy, Peace, Gratitude. This solitary time has allowed me to become creative in my ministering. I’ve learned to use technology and platforms I never before had a desire to use.

In the silence, I hear these words:

"Be not afraid to sit in the silence even if you have designated the time for talking. It is in these moments that you can assist in anchoring in more love, more peace, more light, more gratitude. Try to not hang on to structure and schedules. Be present to and in the moment. The schedule and structure will adapt and adjust as will you. For you are resilient."

Let me tell you about the art. I've named her Sunflower Goddess -She Who Speaks Wisdom 
Continually striving to strike a balance between action and stillness. I created this piece in the 90’s. At the time it was representative of my connection to Source, to my higher self, and to the still small voice I was still doubting. Over the years it has become my friend, my solace. I trust it implicitly.

Even though it has become a cliche (most most truths do) I know myself to be a spiritual being having a human experience. I believe my Spirit is here, not to subjugate my human, but to co-create and work in conjunction with each other so that as a human, I exemplify the qualities of Grace, Mercy, Gratitude, Honesty, Humility, Integrity and Love.

So when someone says how will history look at you? I say, I don’t care. I want to know how you and I will serve today. When I hear, history will not look kindly on you, yes I cringe. I only have this moment to be this Spirit in this human body and I don’t want to waste it anymore concerning myself with legacy, mine or anyone else’s. I wish to be present to myself and every human being I encounter. I choose to be generous with my mind, with my heart, with my spirit. I may not always agree with someone else, however, I choose to see that they, too, are a child of The Divine. I may have to love them at a distance but I don’t have to judge them or see them as less than me because I don’t agree with them. Go forth and minister, indeed! That means starting with me.

PRIVILEGE

I am appalled by my privilege.

Privilege is when you think something is not a problem because it is not a problem to you personally.

I recently read the book, The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencio.   http://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H73JSTJ/ref=tsm_1_tp_tc  Even though I am a woman of color, labeled a senior citizen, labeled disabled because I have a medical condition that requires the use of oxygen, I am appalled by my privilege. Reading this book I felt sad. I felt outraged. I felt helpless. I felt powerless. But mostly I felt the weight of my privilege. The privilege I enjoy because I was born on the “correct“ side of the border by 40 miles. The privilege that has come to me because my parents, who were dirt poor in their childhood and in the early years of mine, took advantage of the opportunities presented to them and created space and opportunities for me to grow in my privilege.

I know poverty and the violence that comes with it. I grew up with it in my home and it is steeped in my DNA. It was an ancestral legacy passed down from generation to generation. I know trauma brain. I also know abundance because my parents also passed down a legacy of hard work and taking advantage of opportunity. That is a privilege I had because of the work ethic my parents modeled. My parents became in my later childhood years what one would call middle class. And again I was afforded the privilege that comes with that.

I read the stories in Karla‘s book and I am sickened at the cruelty we humans can inflict on one another. I am ashamed of my privilege at the same time that I am grateful for my parents, my husband, my own hard work at achieving a measure of privilege. I am forever changed by this book. It touched me on so many levels. The poverty.  The Love. The cruelty. The Love. The mental illness created by trauma. The Love.

In this era in which we are living where the color of your skin makes you suspect, I have a modicum of fear. But I have a passport. Even if detained I can prove I was born here. I cannot begin to entertain the level of fear endured by those who have lived, worked, paid taxes in this country for most of their lives and yet are expendable.

It isn’t that I wasn’t aware of what has been taking place in this country. And it has definitely been in our face for the last four years. But I must have numbed myself because it was too overwhelming to contemplate this reality for too long. I don’t know really. I can excuse it and say I had a child with a serious medical condition to raise. I was distracted. Perhaps. But I can no longer deny this ugly, ugly side of the American dream.

Karla’s words, the pictures she paints with words, are seared in my brain. I can no longer look away or numb myself.

I want to do more. What can a 66 year old “senior citizen“, brown-skinned woman on oxygen do? I don’t want to just put this book on the shelf and forget about it. I want everyone to read it. I want white people and privileged people of color to read it. I dare you to not be moved by the horror in which we are participating. And we are. For once you know, you can’t unknow, as @Oprah once stated. Read this book, please. Read it with an open mind. Allow it to shift your consciousness so that we may never again be OK with putting men, women and children in cages. That we may never again be OK with separating children from their parents. As Karla states in her book, the trauma brains we are creating will affect generations of men, women and children. We can’t afford to lose the talent that is being obliterated by our unwillingness to see those we have deemed unworthy and expendable.

All people have a right to dignity, respect, acknowledgment. People we are better than this. We are better than this.

Not being able to walk in someone else’s shoes is privilege.Take a walk in someone else's shoes. Read this book. Share this post. /Share this website.

SACRED CONNECTION

Yesterday morning I went live on Facebook with drumming and a message from Spirit. It was a big leap of faith for me. I was nervous and a little scared and all my self-doubts came up. Who do I think I am? What good is this going to do? Then I remembered that we all have to do our part during this pandemic. I am not a medical professional. I will not be on the front lines. My work is not considered essential at this time. So what can I do? I can be a voice in the wilderness. I can be the voice of encouragement. I can listen. I can share the beat of my drum with you. I can donate to food banks. I can check in on neighbors. We can do hard things. We’re not all being asked to be on the front lines. We’re being asked to shelter in place. We’re being asked to be kind to one another.

For those of you who joined me yesterday, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to hold space and to connect with me and with each other. Thank you for holding space for you, your family and your community. Holding space is nothing more than listening, listening with your heart.

In this time of what I am calling the Great Unknown or as my brother calls it, the Great Unifier; during this time of Spring, Easter and Passover, when our consciousness is aligned with matters of the Spirit, I ask that you accept and receive the Rebirth and Resurrection that this time of year represents regardless of how you worship.

We are so connected by this thing that we cannot see. This invisible virus that is wreaking havoc with our physical bodies, our emotions, our finances, and in every aspect of the world in which we live. Life is changing so quickly our collective head is spinning. Yet we find that we are in this together. This endurance test of isolation and fear and anxiety is creating common ground. It is something upon which we can all agree.

And just as this invisible force of a virus has created a connection of fear/anxiety, we can use an invisible force to combat that and create a new connection. That force is Love.

Love works like a web to connect us to each other and to all of creation, to All That Is. Love encompasses the qualities of kindness, joy, gratitude, peace, generosity.

I invite you to visit my Facebook page and allow yourself to connect to the best of the drum   https://www.facebook.com/raven.soulsister.14/videos/574174410124111/ . Allow your heart to open to the love that you are. Allow your heart to open to the Oneness that we all share. See that expanding from your heart out into the group that will read this blog or watch the drumming video. See it expanding out into your community, into your city, into your state, your neighboring states, the whole continent, into neighboring countries and across the seas. See this web of love that we are creating encompass all that exists and will ever exist.

As we acknowledge our fears and anxieties I encourage you to just notice them (without feeling the need to fix them) and we are reminded of the healing that is also taking place. 

The Earth, our Mother, is reclaiming herself. We are seeing reports of cleaner skies over Wuhan, endangered sea turtles laying eggs by the thousands, skies are clearing and the Himalayas are visible. We see, as Mr. Rogers’ mother once told him, “the helpers” running into the firestorm. A Rebirth is taking place and each and everyone can do their part by staying home, lending a hand, lending an ear, connecting with one another. We may not all be deemed essential to leave our homes, however, we are all essential for the restoration and recovery of our planet, the people, animal life, plant life and water on it.

I ask that we hold space for those on the front lines. The healthcare workers. Our food suppliers. Our truckers. Our grocery store clerks and stockers. Our people working in plants and in the fields packaging and harvesting our food. Our unseen people. Our homeless brothers and sisters who have no home in which to shelter. Our undocumented people who are often at the front lines yet unseen or unaccounted for.

I ask that you imagine branches and a root system extending from your heart and throughout your body connecting you to those you love. Your family, your friends, your coworkers. Imagine their hearts opening to receive this wonderful web of light and love. See it take root and flower and expand outward from them to their loved ones, their friends and their coworkers. And so on and so on and so on in an ever expanding net of connectivity. See your heart connecting to every living being on this planet creating an even stronger net of connection.

Just as this virus is contagious so is this Love with a capital L. This Love that represents the Creator and all of her Creation.

The earth does not need us to cleanse herself. She is already doing that. She needs us to respect her. She needs us to respect that which she provides for those of us who are here only temporarily. She will continue to exist in one form or another. We are here to be Love, to be Compassion, to be Kindness, to be Inclusive, to be Generous!!! Not just with those we love but with those we find hard to love. For there is where the challenge lies. THAT, as my friend Suzie Myers said, is where the Light is birthed.

Let THAT Love radiate from our hearts. See it envelop every single being on the planet, every animal, plant, tree and living organism. May our Love grow and expand as we take care of each other.  Real care. And look to see where you can be a helper. Where can you donate money locally. Check out your local food banks. Find a family to adopt and help out. Leave a roll of toilet paper on your neighbor's doorstep. No act performed with Love and Kindness is too small. In the comments, post links to organizations that you believe are helping during this time of crisis in our world.

This Recovery, Rebirth, Resurrection will take a grassroots Revolution of Kindness and Generosity. We cannot wait for our leaders to catch up. We can reach out to our communities through our own efforts. How can you serve while you shelter in place?

I believe this is the true message of this season. I’ve had people mention that their Lenten season had been disrupted. Spirit tells me that this Lenten season we have been asked to give up so much more than chocolate or soda. We have been asked to sacrifice for others so that they may be safe.We have been asked to sacrifice time with our children, grandchildren, parents and extended family. These are the sacrifices that hurt us at our core setting the stage for a softening and appreciation for what we may have taken for granted. We have been asked to be the Living Christ and to step out of the behavior that created the crucifixion in the first place. The fear of someone that was other than the norm. It is fear of others, fear of those we perceive as different that leads us to accuse and persecute. Jesus was considered other during his time on this planet. Step out of that in yourself. Step away from that place of judgement and see the Christ in those whom you perceive as less worthy of acceptance and care. Perhaps you will see the Christ reflected back to you.

To be honest I am feeling that the Lenten season is more front and center than ever before. For me this time of year has been about the Christ being Resurrected in each one of us and living that. I feel that happening. More people are reaching out for what is real in them and in others. We are learning to become vulnerable with each other because we have been forced into vulnerability.

AND take a deep breathe, my friends and family.  We were born for this. We are capable of generating so much Love and holding so much space that those on the front lines are free to do their jobs knowing that we are doing ours. So that those working on solutions might see our efforts and be inspired to see things differently. Holding space creates safety and when one feels safe new solutions and ideas burst forth. Creativity abounds. Align yourself with the heartbeat of the drum. Allow it to align you with the heartbeat of our Mother, our Earth. Let us all heal together. Let us all embody the message of Resurrection and Rebirth. And may we all aspire to living the Christ Consciousness in word and deed.

THIS IS MY TIME

This is my time. This is what I have been training for. This time right here right now. The Mayans have a prophecy that states “we are the ones we have been waiting for“. I truly believe this to be true. We must all step out of our roles as victims and become the empowered souls that we are.This morning I saw a bumper sticker that stated "The Meaning of Life is to Live It". That is the decision I finally made in February. I chose to believe this for the first time in my life. Before that I was just going from crisis to crisis hoping to just get through. I was existing but not really living. I was surviving but not really living. After my diagnosis I was resigned but not really living. After consulting with a new doctor, that specializes in my condition, I felt myself stand up and CHOOSE to truly live. I am not done here yet. I still have much to contribute and I intend to do so from an entirely new place of strength and desire.

For most of my life I have seen myself as a victim. The victim to my father’s anger, the victim to my mother's silence. And like a pendulum swinging between the two extremes of outraged victim and silent victim and all points in between, striving to come into balance in the center.  It has been a journey that has encompassed the last 38 years of my life. Well, most likely all of my life but in a conscious way since 1981 when my son was born. It has been my central focus and experience, this moving out of victimization.

Healing, growing, learning, those have been my passions.  In my morning reading Iyanla Van Zandt talked about the many mini deaths that we experience throughout life. She quotes author John Roger “We are only born once into life, but in life we are reborn many times”. She goes on to say, “As long as you are still breathing, death becomes what we commonly call change” and perhaps that is why I find myself at this point knowing that I have been preparing for this moment. That my spiritual practice has brought me to this very moment so that I can decide what I am and who I will be during this crisis that we are facing as a nation and as a world. I feel stripped down in my humanity and yet fully empowered as the Soul I know myself to be. I have spent the last 38 years digging deep, refining, growing, learning, changing. And I feel as though all those years, all those groups I participated in and facilitated, all those processes are now paying off. I feel solid and stable. I feel like a cheerleader for others and for the Divine.

I have always wanted to be a minister but could never find a religion that fit me. I could never overcome the dogma of so many religions. My God was so much bigger than that. I have always been enthusiastic and passionate about the Divine and healing. When I say healing I mean the healing of the emotional and spiritual bodies as well as the physical and mental bodies. When I say healing, I mean bringing my humanity and Soul into alignment. When those are in alignment the physical can be healed. Not necessarily cured but healed. According to Merriam-Webster one of the definitions of enthusiasm is belief in special revelations of the Holy Spirit. I love that definition.  For that is what I have dedicated my life to being and doing and expressing.

This global crisis has landed me right smack dab in the middle of myself. I find myself shedding my outraged victim and my silent victim. Bearing witness to the many mini deaths I have experienced and continue to experience to those parts of me that no longer serve. I stand in my empowered self ready to face whatever life brings knowing that my history shows that that is what I do even when I identified as a victim.

I am one of those people who is at risk both by my age and by my condition. So I will not be out on the front lines doing work that our health professionals are doing or that younger, healthier individuals will be doing. However, I will be online facilitating drumming sessions and healing circles and holding space. All the things at which I am very good. I will be radiating love and healing out into the universe, out into my community, out to my family and friends. I will be giving thanks for the technology that allows us to continue to connect through FaceTime or video chat such as Zoom. I will be boosting morale wherever and whenever I can. I will remember and encourage others to stay focused on what we do have, to find gratitude in new and unexpected places. I will remember and encourage others that it is normal to grieve for all that we are losing as the world changes around us. It is normal to feel afraid and anxious. I will remember and encourage others that our feelings are what makes us human and that, too, is something for which to be grateful. I will offer my services to anyone who just needs to talk for I am a good listener.

Necessity is the mother of invention and I look forward to seeing all the things that we will invent in the days to come. I have been grateful for the pictures of full grocery shelves that come across my feed because the truth is that while we are experiencing some shortages of some goods due to hoarding, for the most part there is food on the shelves and in the produce section. I have seen people posting recipes using ingredients they’ve never tried before because that is what is available. This crisis is encouraging us to become creative in the ways, we communicate, shop, connect and practice self care.

This is my time. This is OUR time. This is my time to shine my light. This is OUR time to shine our lights. This is my time to shore up the morale of the people I love. This is OUR time to shore up the morale of the people we love. This is my time to feel my fear and anxiety and rise above it. This is OUR time to feel our fear and anxiety and rise above it. This is my time to step out of my victim once and for all and step into the empowered being I know myself to be. This is OUR time to step out of our victims once and for all and step into the empowered beings we know ourselves to be. This is my time to truly live my life day by day, one moment at a time. This is OUR time to truly live our lives day by day, one moment at a time. In these uncertain times we don’t know what each day will bring but I do know what will serve us well and that is our ability to adapt, our willingness to be flexible our willingness to be generous our, willingness to connect, our willingness to see each other as ONE.

About the Artwork

This is my latest piece. I created this piece while in Los Angeles the weekend I went to Oprah’s VisionTour 2020, which by the way was an incredible experience but must save for another blog. I have not named it yet but I know that it will be one in a series. This piece to me represents my decision to live. It represents the breath of life.  And it represents my roots, my ancestry, my DNA and generational healing. My dear friend, Rosemary, took me to her art class where they were working with aboriginal techniques.  This is what poured forth from me that evening. 

MARIA MAGDALENA

Today we celebrate my mother-in-law‘s 90th birthday. Her actual birthday is 1/30/30. Today, on this day that we celebrate this milestone in her life, I remember the gift that she is to me. Not only did she give birth to the man that I married but she has been like a second Mama to me ever since they moved in across the street when I was in the third grade.

Maria Magdalena, or Maggie as I have always called her, recently stayed with us for 10 days. Her presence was a gift. I had projected that I would lose my space and my opportunities for silence while she was staying with us. And the truth is I have written several blogs and I can only do those when I am sitting in the silence. That tells me my practice of silence is paying off. I entered the silence while engaging with her and Raymond to write and publish my blog. My goal has been to accept and be the silence in whatever situation I find myself not just when I’m alone. Not only was I able to do that because of my practice but because of Maggie’s comfortableness with the silence in herself and her willingness to be present with me in the silence. I also went deep into the processing old fears and old belief systems. Something I normally only do when I am alone. I found space in our silence. We coexisted beautifully. I have a newfound appreciation for her and her experience of life.

At 90, and with her memory an issue for her, I marvel at her resilience.  I marvel at her willingness and desire for connection. I marvel at her trust. She trusts us with her well-being she trusts us to respect her. She trusts us to love her and care for her. I marvel at her adaptability. I marvel at what she does remember. And what I noticed is that while she may remember a trauma or two from her life, she mostly remembers the love. The stories she loops on are ones filled with love and laughter. She loves to tell me the one where she caught my sisters in her kitchen “borrowing“ eggs. They thought she was at work. She surprised them. She giggles as though it is happening right now and she remembers how big their eyes got when she “caught“ them.

She tells me she has forgotten so much but the bits and pieces she remembers bring her such joy. She loves when I tell her a story I remember about her and my son, Cory. And sometimes that sparked a memory for her that she then shared with me.

One night when she was with us my husband played his role as RJ the DJ as we created a playlist for her 90th birthday celebration. It was such fun to see her remember and sing along to “If you’ve got the money honey, I’ve got the time“, Green Grow the Lilacs, Crazy, as well as many others. She remembered loving to dance but my father-in-law not liking to go back-and-forth ( meaning fast dancing of the time). He preferred the slow ones where he held her close.

On this, her 90th birthday, I honor the gift she has been not just to me but to anyone blessed by her presence. Having grown up across the street from my future husband she has been a part of my life since I was in the third grade. She has almost always been a part of my landscape. But I don’t believe I ever really appreciated her until my son Cory was born. She rushed to our side in Hawaii. And from that moment on I knew I could count on her. She and my father-in-law, Jack, often traveled to wherever we were stationed to be with Cory so that I could go on a replenishing retreat. They would go ahead to a new duty station and paint and repair a home for us to move into while I drove across country.

When we moved back to New Mexico, Cory always knew he could call his grandma for a ride if I were not available. She has been a constant in my life. As precious as my own mother. She has always been there for me, for Cory, and of course for Raymond.

I am grateful that we can be there for her now when she is the one who requires support. I am grateful for the lessons she has taught me throughout my life.

When I think of my mother-in-law the word that comes to mind is devotion.

  She was devoted to her husband of 68 years. She is devoted to her faith. She is devoted to her family; her children, her grandchildren, her remaining extended family. She is devoted to connection; often wishing to call extended family.

She has visited us many times and in all our locales and we lived with her for four months when our home was being built here in New Mexico. But this “visit “to our home for 10 days was a revelation and a delight.

I am grateful for the help you have been to me over the years Maria Magdalena.

I am grateful for the lessons I have learned through the interactions we have had over the years.

I am grateful especially for the insights I garnered from the days spent with us recently.

I am grateful for being loved by you. I am grateful for the opportunity to love you.

Happy Birthday!!!!

GATEWAY TO SILENCE

This morning as I finished writing my morning pages (as recommended by Julia Cameron in the Artist Way, which she calls taking out the garbage), I noticed my body unwinding especially around the neck and head area. And then I noticed the Silence. The Blessed Silence. As the heater clicked off the Silence became palpable. I love this Silence. This stillness that tells me all is well. This Silence where there is no agenda. I am not asking for anything. I’ve emptied myself through my journaling of my worries and my desires, my pettiness, my anger, my fears. And finally I notice the Silence. I notice the stillness. I notice my body slows down, my movements slow down, my writing slows down.

Each movement, each stroke of the pen deliberate. Intention embedded into every stroke, in every thought being conveyed. I love this time/no time for it appears to stand still. 

In the Silence, I feel my body unwinding in between the moments of writing down my insights. Silence is my therapy. Silence is vital to my well-being. I strive to bring this Silence into my interactions with people. Sometimes I’m successful. Too often I fail. I get caught up in being heard, being acknowledged – both mine and their need.

When I notice and embody the Silence and the gifts it brings, it is my intention to always carry this in my being. It is why I “practice“ being in the Silence. It is like anything I choose to practice, the more I practice, the better I get at it

I once heard Kris Carr (Crazy, Sexy Cancer) say,  “worrying is like praying for what you don’t want to happen”. The Silence allows you to step away from worry and into acceptance which then allows peace and trust to enter the playing field. Not because I demanded it but because I surrendered my agenda to the Silence. And in that surrender was the possibility of something new. Perhaps the situation did not change but my perspective may have and that is EVERYTHING! That is a change agent. Only by confronting our own beliefs, fears, challenges and bringing them into the Silence can we affect change in ourselves and in others.

Our beliefs, our fears, our challenges are noisy. They create an incessant chatter. Ever try to sleep while worrying about something? Don’t you just want to scream, SHUT UP!!! Yeah. I know. I understand. I have found that the best thing for me to do is get up. Write it down. All of it. Verbally vomit on the page. For some of you it may be to turn on your favorite music and dance it out. For some of you it may require a paintbrush or colored pencils and getting it on paper. Then in that moment, the moment you lay down the pen, turn off the music, put down the paint brush, that moment, notice… Notice the Silence. And in that Silence notice what it is you are experiencing in your body. Listen to your breath. Listen to your heartbeat. Listen to the blood coursing through your veins.Notice the still small voice within. Notice if you are still holding tension. Just notice. Be with that tension and watch it dissipate into the Silence.

Notice that through your willingness to lay your burdens down at the Gateway to Silence that instead of projecting them onto those you love or those you don’t know on social media,  a space is created for something different. Perhaps an idea or a solution will burst forth in this fertile soil of Silence. Perhaps you will feel a sense of peace and acceptance. Perhaps the Silence will inspire compassion for yourself and for others. Who knows the limitless possibilities waiting to be noticed when we choose to enter the Silence and leave the chaos at the door. Perhaps that still small voice becomes a roar, a wealth of knowledge and information. Perhaps all you notice is the quiet. Perhaps that is the gift.  Whatever it is, in the Silence, you'll know it when you hear it.

DRUMMING

Just finished drumming. As I drummed today my intention was to send healing to someone I love in Washington DC. As soon as I put my focus on DC, however, I found myself joining an ongoing drumming circle. There were drummers from every indigenous culture on the planet, the Americas, the Aborinal people, the Africans, Europeans. All cultures were represented. And more were arriving each moment I was there. I was initially taken to each of the monuments and war memorials. I saw ancestors of every race and color and tribe holding space, drumming and dancing. It was awe inspiring.

I was told to envision and hold the vision of all world leaders with the shaft of loving Light flowing through them from top to bottom and bottom to top, a continuous circular flow. This light extending deep into the earth and up and out into the stars and beyond. Hold this vision not just for the leaders of the US, but for leaders and those involved with decision-making all over the world. Every country. Every being on the planet. All peoples, all animals, all plant life. All of it. Hold this vision. At the end, I saw drummers drumming on every continent on earth. I saw the Earth enveloped in the Love and Light of this focused drumming and visioning.

Pick up a drum and join this ethereal drumming circle at anytime of the day or night for five minutes, for an hour, or for however long you feel called to drum. And if you don’t feel called to drum try to hold this vision of a shaft of loving, healing Light piercing through the physical bodies of our elected leaders our unelected leaders, those from other countries and of course imagine the same shaft of light enveloping each and everyone of us.

As I finished drumming and sat in the quiet, I saw the Earth surrounded by drummers, dancers, healers. I felt calm and at peace. I felt what this focused drumming and visioning can do for me personally.

As the song says, “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me...”

And so it is.

SACRED BREATH

I created this piece over 15 years ago. It represented my Humanity within the context of my Divinity. I see that it still does. I love how Spirit is making my artwork fresh for me in present time. I am looking at my pieces with new eyes. They are almost a foreshadowing of not only what was important to me at the time that I created it, but how important it would become as I progressed on this journey called LIFE.

Take a Sacred Breath

Breathing, it’s something we take for granted until something brings our awareness to it. It’s one of those functions, such as our heart pumping or our digestive system kicking in, that we just assume will work. We do not give orders for our body to perform these functions, it just knows without conscious direction on our part.

It’s ironic that for a good portion of my life my work has been bringing people into a state of awareness through their breath. Through Rebirthing, massage, Reiki, any body modality I’ve practiced, the breath was at the center. And now, the Sacred Breath is at the center of my life as I live with the awareness of the narrowing of my arterial system leading from my heart to my lungs.

I am hyper conscious of my breath and my heart because I need oxygen upon exertion and my heart rate lets me know when my heart is struggling to oxygenate.

Take a Sacred Breath

Jeff Foster ( www.lifewithoutacenter.com) posted a beautiful piece entitled Victory at Gesthemane and a video from YouTube called Jesus in Gesthemane (https://youtu.be/VyKDoivRdlo). The message “take this cup from me“ speaks to me on so many levels. It’s a statement I thought about a lot when I was first diagnosed. It’s one I consider as I watch my loved ones and my clients as they suffer through their end-of-life time. It’s a cup I’ve not wanted to drink from so many times in my life and yet, I have, over and over again since childhood. That cup that I mistake for poison has invariably turned out to be the source of birthing yet more Love and Light in myself and out into the world.

Take. A. Sacred. Breath.

 I think back to the birth of my son and if anyone had told me, “your son will be born with the birth defect Spina Bifida.” I would’ve said, “Oh no! Not me! I can’t do this. Take this cup from me.” And I would have missed out on the most extraordinary event of my life. I would have missed out on bearing witness to my heart living outside of my body. I would have missed out on a love so great, I don’t have language for it.

As Jeff Foster so eloquently states:

 “We are all Jesus in Gesthemane. Jesus is a metaphor for Consciousness itself, and it’s passing identification with form.”

He continues:

“Nail me to the Cross and break me! In other words, break me open to Love, Oh Mystery (that I Am), and destroy the false in me and reveal my true nature”.

If you’re still with me, Take. A. Sacred. Breath.

And let those words and their meaning land in your heart.

A small group of us from our Souls Awakening group participated in a healing circle last night where we asked for healing for several people but one person in particular came to the forefront of our circle. This person is in Hospice and currently laboring to birth himself back into the Light from whence he came and where he will once again become aware of his wholeness and wellness. I am sure he wishes “this cup be taken” from him as does the family that he so cherishes.

The healing we received with visuals and songs was so incredibly powerful and beautiful. We were reassured that his journey is opening him and all of us to the Love that he is and that we are. We were shown a Rainbow Bridge that he must cross and an Inbetween where his loved ones can walk with him to the Rainbow Bridge and where his loved ones are waiting for him. He is so loved and he is never alone and neither are we. All of us in the healing circle were so moved by this incredible glimpse into the Mystery.  And at the same time we are saddened by the suffering our friend is experiencing in this birthing process. We hold Sacred Space for this Birthing of Light on both sides of the veil.

Take. A. Sacred. Breath.

I am overwhelmed this morning with the synchronicity of events that transpire when we open to receive the gifts Spirit has for us and are willing to share with others. It opens the door to more synchronicity, more healing, more connection, more love.

Shortly after we had our circle we noticed that during our circle a family member had posted a picture of a bridge. Synchronicity. Someone posted The Rainbow Connection, a song with significant meaning for me personally. It is the ringtone on my phone for my son even though he is 38 years old. He was born in Hawaii (the land of rainbows). I decorated his nursery in rainbows (no baby blue for this baby). Even made a changing table in the shape of a rainbow. Rainbows have come to mean that a significant event is about to transpire. I was birthing a being of light disguised as a baby in a broken body. He was the most whole person I ever encountered. I am grateful of the Rainbow Bridge symbol in our healing last night for I have come to recognize that we are continually birthing the Light of who we are. As we learn and grow and change our perspective or our experiences change them for us, they are but opportunities for birthing more Love. I am touched by the synchronicity of birth and death (which is really birth) and a symbol of hope in the form of a rainbow to remind me of the Sacredness of it all. In the art piece posted with Birthing the Light you will notice that Cory’s face is painted in the colors of the rainbow. He has always been our Rainbow Warrior.

Healing does not always mean cure. Healing means opening yourself up to your experience and accepting your experience and allowing yourself to receive the Love that you are and sharing THAT. It means that those witnessing our suffering have the opportunity to open up their hearts to their experience of bearing witness and caregiving and in doing so honor their pain and are broken open to receive and experience more Love, more healing, more connection, more of the Light of Love that they are.

Take. A. Sacred. Breath.

The Sacred Breath allows me to “digest” the information being given to me. Digestion, another one of those parasympathetic functions we take for granted until it’s not working so great either. Alas, that will have to wait for another blog post.

So Take a Sacred Breath and allow yourself to digest this information. This art piece had a lot to say and I’ve thrown a lot at you today. The eyes on this mask are made of Divine Triangle shaped mirrors. I pray that when you look into my eyes you will see reflected back to you the incredible Light of Love that you are.

Remember that whatever cup you may be drinking from in this moment, it is an invitation into the Great Mystery. It is breaking you open into remembering the totality of who you are. Remember, YOU are the Light of Love made manifest in human form. Give thanks for EVERY Sacred Breath you get to take. You are so very loved and you are never alone.

Take. A. Sacred. Breath

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

BREATHING SPACE

It has been just a little over a year since I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension Group 1 caused by Scleroderma, an autoimmune disease I was diagnosed with over 25 years ago.

In this past year, I had to come face-to-face with my limits. My pain limits, my energy limits, my tolerance limits. I have had to face the idea of my mortality and what that looks like or how I desire that it be knowing that in the end I won’t have the control I so desire and must surrender to what it will be.

However, to the degree that I do have control, I have made my wishes known to my family, my friends, to my doctors. And so I am at peace with the idea of leaving the physical. Actually, I’m much more comfortable with that idea than the one in which I live a much longer life.

Interesting isn’t it that dying feels more comfortable than living? I ask myself why that is. I don’t exactly know that answer but what I do know is that living has most often felt difficult for me. I think I’m afraid to feel pain and yet this past year I have endured an incredible amount of both physical and emotional pain.  I tell myself I’m not strong enough to live with or endure what the future holds and yet my history tells me that is a lie because I have risen to every single challenge with which I have been faced in my life.

Is it that I trust what comes next much more than I trust life in the body? Perhaps. For I do. I have a rich, powerful connection with Spirit. I trust it. I know that when I am no longer in the body I will be free to just be the love that I know I am. I trust that knowing. I believe in my knowing for it comes from my deep relationship with the Divinity that resides in this physical body I inhabit as Raven.

At times my human and my spirit have felt at war with each other. My human body believing it knows best, my soul patiently waiting for me to catch up. My soul creating breathing space for me to access my Divinity.

What this past year has taught me is to inhabit this breathing space. This space created by my soul in order to feel the pain, the fear, the anger that comes with living life with a terminal diagnosis. Actually to living life period. The truth of this past year is that in spite of the pain, the meds, the fear, I lived my life more fully than I have in a long time. I traveled, to prove I still could. I scheduled healing sessions with clients to show myself I was still me. I did not let this diagnosis define who I was as a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, healer, artist.

I was as present as I could be in the moments that made up this past year. Whether I was writhing in pain in the sanctity of my healing space, giggling with my Soulsister’s or at the bedside of my son while he was in the hospital, I was present. I was breathing, I was loving, I was living.

And really that’s all one can do when faced with life in all its forms.

Breathe
Be present
Live Love Laugh Cry Rage Live Love Laugh (Repeat)
Give thanks for the whole package

And THAT leads me to a space of feeling limitless in a limited space.

VISION

I’d like to share a little bit about the art piece that accompanied my first blog posting. I guess it’s now associated with Birthing the Light. For me, when I created it over 20 years ago, it represented my Universe. The faces are casts of me, my husband and my son. I now know what I could not know when we first came together, first as a couple and then as a family, but which I learned after Cory‘s birth. What I learned is that we had come together to help each other remember the Light of Love from whence we came and to which we shall return once this earth walk is over. We came to be cheerleaders for each other. We came to remind each other of the great souls we are regardless of what our vehicle represented to us and to others. We came to represent the shining examples of Love we are at our core in spite of any wounds we carried or trauma we had endured.

This particular piece hangs over our television in the living room of our home. A family portrait if you will. I find it interesting that it hangs over something that has such power to move us, sway us, upset us. A television, if we are not careful, becomes our “tell-a-vision.” I like that above that hangs a symbol of my true vision for this life. It is a constant reminder of my priorities, my devotion to the Divine, my family, my Universe.

I recently took a month off of social media and “tell-a-vision” to give myself a break from all the negativity I was absorbing from the divisiveness that is our political and spiritual discourse. And I came to the realization that the tool is not the problem. It’s what I tune into that determines my experience. So Spirit whispered in my ear, once the chaos had calmed, that these tools could be used to send messages of hope and love and remembrance. It reminded me that I could create and hold a space through my social media that honors all people, all religions, all genders, all abilities.

I have always considered myself a cheerleader for others. I’m usually in the background encouraging people to remember who they are and to step into their power. That is my intention for this blog; to be a cheerleader not just for you but for myself as well. My work as a healer, specializing in processing trauma from the body, was to create a safe space for my clients to access and heal their trauma. I pray this becomes a safe space and that we learn to create that and spread that! Just as hate and vitriol can spread so can love, acceptance and tolerance. This is the ground I wish to stand on. This is my vision.

Vision seems to be the buzzword for 2020. I’m seeing it everywhere. My niece gave me an amazing gift for Christmas of a ticket to Oprah’s VisionTour2020. An experience I will cherish because I will be going with her, my niece and a dear friend. I realize now that whatever ups and downs I’ve experienced, wherever the wind blows me and mine, my vision has held steady right above my television overriding anything I might see, hear or be absorbing from the boob tube. My Birthing the Light Universe Mask waits quietly and patiently as does my inner voice for me to remember...O yea! I am the Light of Love made manifest in human form. I choose to be the best representative of the Divine I can be while in this perfectly imperfect body. And so it is.