THIS IS MY TIME

This is my time. This is what I have been training for. This time right here right now. The Mayans have a prophecy that states “we are the ones we have been waiting for“. I truly believe this to be true. We must all step out of our roles as victims and become the empowered souls that we are.This morning I saw a bumper sticker that stated "The Meaning of Life is to Live It". That is the decision I finally made in February. I chose to believe this for the first time in my life. Before that I was just going from crisis to crisis hoping to just get through. I was existing but not really living. I was surviving but not really living. After my diagnosis I was resigned but not really living. After consulting with a new doctor, that specializes in my condition, I felt myself stand up and CHOOSE to truly live. I am not done here yet. I still have much to contribute and I intend to do so from an entirely new place of strength and desire.

For most of my life I have seen myself as a victim. The victim to my father’s anger, the victim to my mother's silence. And like a pendulum swinging between the two extremes of outraged victim and silent victim and all points in between, striving to come into balance in the center.  It has been a journey that has encompassed the last 38 years of my life. Well, most likely all of my life but in a conscious way since 1981 when my son was born. It has been my central focus and experience, this moving out of victimization.

Healing, growing, learning, those have been my passions.  In my morning reading Iyanla Van Zandt talked about the many mini deaths that we experience throughout life. She quotes author John Roger “We are only born once into life, but in life we are reborn many times”. She goes on to say, “As long as you are still breathing, death becomes what we commonly call change” and perhaps that is why I find myself at this point knowing that I have been preparing for this moment. That my spiritual practice has brought me to this very moment so that I can decide what I am and who I will be during this crisis that we are facing as a nation and as a world. I feel stripped down in my humanity and yet fully empowered as the Soul I know myself to be. I have spent the last 38 years digging deep, refining, growing, learning, changing. And I feel as though all those years, all those groups I participated in and facilitated, all those processes are now paying off. I feel solid and stable. I feel like a cheerleader for others and for the Divine.

I have always wanted to be a minister but could never find a religion that fit me. I could never overcome the dogma of so many religions. My God was so much bigger than that. I have always been enthusiastic and passionate about the Divine and healing. When I say healing I mean the healing of the emotional and spiritual bodies as well as the physical and mental bodies. When I say healing, I mean bringing my humanity and Soul into alignment. When those are in alignment the physical can be healed. Not necessarily cured but healed. According to Merriam-Webster one of the definitions of enthusiasm is belief in special revelations of the Holy Spirit. I love that definition.  For that is what I have dedicated my life to being and doing and expressing.

This global crisis has landed me right smack dab in the middle of myself. I find myself shedding my outraged victim and my silent victim. Bearing witness to the many mini deaths I have experienced and continue to experience to those parts of me that no longer serve. I stand in my empowered self ready to face whatever life brings knowing that my history shows that that is what I do even when I identified as a victim.

I am one of those people who is at risk both by my age and by my condition. So I will not be out on the front lines doing work that our health professionals are doing or that younger, healthier individuals will be doing. However, I will be online facilitating drumming sessions and healing circles and holding space. All the things at which I am very good. I will be radiating love and healing out into the universe, out into my community, out to my family and friends. I will be giving thanks for the technology that allows us to continue to connect through FaceTime or video chat such as Zoom. I will be boosting morale wherever and whenever I can. I will remember and encourage others to stay focused on what we do have, to find gratitude in new and unexpected places. I will remember and encourage others that it is normal to grieve for all that we are losing as the world changes around us. It is normal to feel afraid and anxious. I will remember and encourage others that our feelings are what makes us human and that, too, is something for which to be grateful. I will offer my services to anyone who just needs to talk for I am a good listener.

Necessity is the mother of invention and I look forward to seeing all the things that we will invent in the days to come. I have been grateful for the pictures of full grocery shelves that come across my feed because the truth is that while we are experiencing some shortages of some goods due to hoarding, for the most part there is food on the shelves and in the produce section. I have seen people posting recipes using ingredients they’ve never tried before because that is what is available. This crisis is encouraging us to become creative in the ways, we communicate, shop, connect and practice self care.

This is my time. This is OUR time. This is my time to shine my light. This is OUR time to shine our lights. This is my time to shore up the morale of the people I love. This is OUR time to shore up the morale of the people we love. This is my time to feel my fear and anxiety and rise above it. This is OUR time to feel our fear and anxiety and rise above it. This is my time to step out of my victim once and for all and step into the empowered being I know myself to be. This is OUR time to step out of our victims once and for all and step into the empowered beings we know ourselves to be. This is my time to truly live my life day by day, one moment at a time. This is OUR time to truly live our lives day by day, one moment at a time. In these uncertain times we don’t know what each day will bring but I do know what will serve us well and that is our ability to adapt, our willingness to be flexible our willingness to be generous our, willingness to connect, our willingness to see each other as ONE.

About the Artwork

This is my latest piece. I created this piece while in Los Angeles the weekend I went to Oprah’s VisionTour 2020, which by the way was an incredible experience but must save for another blog. I have not named it yet but I know that it will be one in a series. This piece to me represents my decision to live. It represents the breath of life.  And it represents my roots, my ancestry, my DNA and generational healing. My dear friend, Rosemary, took me to her art class where they were working with aboriginal techniques.  This is what poured forth from me that evening.